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I have been working with several clients who seem to have identified a new species in the MANimal Kingdom.

Introducing Mr. Sensitive. Mr. Sensitive often lures women into pseudo relationships because he is inquisitive, sweet, and appears to be connected to himself emotionally. He may say he is really into you within the first few dates, tell you that you are different from other women he has dated, and share deep, intimate details about himself quickly. He often philosophizes, says he is on a “spiritual” journey or shares his “victim to victory” story with you. He knows, believe me, that once he begins to share these types of personal stories he will have you hooked. What’s more, once you feel “connected” to him, you put yourself at risk to move into “over-share” mode, giving him reason upon reason to rule you out of his current dating pool without knowing who you really are.

The bottom line is this: It is easy to recognize Mr. Sensitive and remain clear and discerning by getting to know him slowly. If he does reveal loads of personal information on the first or second date, interpret it as a red flag. Continue to get to know him, date-by-date, and then watch to make sure he is consistent. Ensure that his words and actions match. If he says he is spiritual…on a journey….or into self development, watch to see that his actions support his declarations. While it often seems like the miracle man has landed smack dap in your lap, (I mean, he doesn’t watch tons and tons of sports, read “The Power of Now,” and is in a Men’s Group) remember to remain curious. In short, don’t start planning the wedding just because he’s “so into you.” Who is he, really? If you hold on to your boundaries you won’t “fall to quickly,” and thus force Mr. Sensitive to decide if he is in it to win it. Mr. Sensitive often uses this approach because he receives validation from “making women fall in love with him. The problem, then becomes, that once you are “hooked,” he will most likely panic, break up and start the cycle again with someone new.

Here are five signs you may be dating Mr. Sensitive:

1. He talks about his personal journey, the ways in which he has changed, and quite possibly tell you a dramatic story from his childhood on the first or second date. He has no problem looking you directly in the eye.

Remember, there are men who will slide between Mr. Elusive, Mr. Sensitive, Mr. Quality Casual and The Hunter. However, the most important thing to know is that when you are confident, curious and remain neutral you will get to know who someone really is over time. As a result of this approach to dating, you can be sure that your heart will remain in YOUR care until it is safe to share.

I’m back from Maui, and spent yesterday planning for 2010 with my team. While that’s all fabulous and exciting, I also want to reflect on my vacation, and the state of mind I had which enabled ideas to flow freely, love to grow and compassion to deepen. In looking more carefully at this, I realized I had a certain routine while on vacation which enabled me to access deeper parts of myself; A routine in which I took care of myself.  Ahh — back to the concept of self care, – and an expansion of the Self-Care Bootcamp I began in the end of 2009. So, what did I do in Maui?

1. Daily exercise: Ok, here’s the truth.  I didn’t do one hour of killer cardio on the stairmaster, run 6 miles every day or lift weights 4 times per week.  I did 30 minutes on a stationary bike, while reading a novel or listening to empowering, motivating audio discs. Hardly hard core.  Sometimes, after 15 minutes, I transferred to the elliptical machine.  I never stayed more than 40 minutes in the gym.  Ever.  During my official 6-week Self Care Boot Camp I took the advice of a long-time friend who is a personal trainer which was this:  ”Less is More.”  I cut back on power yoga.  Cut back on lifting weights.  Started walking with a friend, stopped running stairs.  As a recovering exercise bulemic who didn’t used to consider the 60 minute spin classes I taught five times per week as my exercise for the day, I have come far.  Some days, I skipped the gym entirely. Other days, I went for a long walk with my dad.  And one day, I decided to explore a new part of the beach path and went for a run/walk.  I tried to surf, pushed past my fear of choppy waves and snorkeled with my kids.

2.  Daily quiet time to reflect: Part of the Dating With Dignity 10-Step Process to Manifesting Love includes developing a connection to the still, quiet voice inside.  I call it “spirit.”  Others call is a Higher Power, the Universe or God.  As part of my daily routine while on vacation I took time to listen to reflective audio tapes, read important passages that connected me to spirit, or just meditated for 5 minutes or so while laying on the beach, in a hammock or near the pool.  It doesn’t mean I  sat cross-legged uttering ommmms for 40 minutes.  While I don’t get to meditate in those environments at home, this reminded me that when I take time to reflect, I connect.  This practice grounds me.  It reminds me to let go of anger, practice forgiveness daily, be compassionate and focus on the abundance that I have in my life.

3.  Charged my batteries: Typically, during this particular trip to Maui each year, I am an avid reader.  As a person who belonged to book clubs for more than 10 years via an organization called Literary Affairs, I used to read fiction monthly.  I read books that touched on a variety of themes, including historical fiction, cultural conflict, and memoirs.  I enjoyed reading authors who were winners of the Pulitzer Prize.  I knew what books had won the Booker Award.  I was a reader.  In the last two years I gave up my love of reading fiction, focusing more on books related to my expertise.  I read nonfiction exclusively.  Yikes, I realized, as I sunk my teeth into a juicy novel written by one of my favorite award-winning authors, the sand squishing between my toes.  It felt so good.  It was like eating chocolate.  I read voraciously.  I went to the book store and remembered how I always loved the classics, and picked up Jane Eyre, by Charlotte Bronte.  I woke up my damn brain to something more than business planning, love, dating advice and writing technique. This was a brand new level of self care.

What’s more, I had picked up some knitting I started ages ago and decided to bring it with me.  I hadn’t knit in years.   It too felt so good.  I remembered that knitting is meditative for me.  My brain empties with each stitch.  It’s rhythmic.  And, as my mom was a talented knitter, this time the act connected me to my mom.

Last, I spent time with connecting with people via shared experiences.  I laughed with old friends as we gathered on lounge chairs or patios, barbecued pork loins, chopped vegetables alongside a girlfriend, and dished about boyfriends past and the nuances of raising teenage daughters with other moms.  I luxuriated in down time, meandering.  Wondering.  I walked with my kids.  Let them stay up late.  Stopped watching TV.  Days with no plans or expectations.  Whoohoo!  Why,  I wondered, don’t I allow myself this kind of time at home?

I realized it’s time to take my notion of self-care to an entirely new level.  It’s my theme for 2010.  Self Care Gone Wild!  It doesn’t mean I resolve to lose 10 lbs, get manicures or treat myself to a massage now and again.  Nope.  It means finding time to do those things I love.  Meeting MY needs.  Creating down time.  Reading. Joining a book club again, in fact.  Reading another classic perhaps.  It means I will sit with my daughters knitting, taking time to finish the cashmere pink and brown scarf I started while we watch American Idol together.  It means I will go to the damn beach, which is just four miles away, and sit on the sand– even if it’s the middle of winter.  I will walk with a friend, listen to audio CDs while I sit on the stationery bike that has been gathering dust in my garage. I will not attempt to life weights, go to yoga and do the stairs — all in the same day.  I will take time to read with my kids in a coffee shop, on the patio or in the bookstore.  I will take time to connect to spirit, and make choices from this grounded, deeper place.  I will cease freneticism 24/7.  I will love more deeply.  I will take care of myself, my needs and my spirit.