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I have been working with several clients who seem to have identified a new species in the MANimal Kingdom.

Introducing Mr. Sensitive. Mr. Sensitive often lures women into pseudo relationships because he is inquisitive, sweet, and appears to be connected to himself emotionally. He may say he is really into you within the first few dates, tell you that you are different from other women he has dated, and share deep, intimate details about himself quickly. He often philosophizes, says he is on a “spiritual” journey or shares his “victim to victory” story with you. He knows, believe me, that once he begins to share these types of personal stories he will have you hooked. What’s more, once you feel “connected” to him, you put yourself at risk to move into “over-share” mode, giving him reason upon reason to rule you out of his current dating pool without knowing who you really are.

The bottom line is this: It is easy to recognize Mr. Sensitive and remain clear and discerning by getting to know him slowly. If he does reveal loads of personal information on the first or second date, interpret it as a red flag. Continue to get to know him, date-by-date, and then watch to make sure he is consistent. Ensure that his words and actions match. If he says he is spiritual…on a journey….or into self development, watch to see that his actions support his declarations. While it often seems like the miracle man has landed smack dap in your lap, (I mean, he doesn’t watch tons and tons of sports, read “The Power of Now,” and is in a Men’s Group) remember to remain curious. In short, don’t start planning the wedding just because he’s “so into you.” Who is he, really? If you hold on to your boundaries you won’t “fall to quickly,” and thus force Mr. Sensitive to decide if he is in it to win it. Mr. Sensitive often uses this approach because he receives validation from “making women fall in love with him. The problem, then becomes, that once you are “hooked,” he will most likely panic, break up and start the cycle again with someone new.

Here are five signs you may be dating Mr. Sensitive:

1. He talks about his personal journey, the ways in which he has changed, and quite possibly tell you a dramatic story from his childhood on the first or second date. He has no problem looking you directly in the eye.

Remember, there are men who will slide between Mr. Elusive, Mr. Sensitive, Mr. Quality Casual and The Hunter. However, the most important thing to know is that when you are confident, curious and remain neutral you will get to know who someone really is over time. As a result of this approach to dating, you can be sure that your heart will remain in YOUR care until it is safe to share.

Now, back to reality.

The truth is, this break up was horrible.  I could have saved myself pain, tears and months of agonizing heartbreak if I had lived in reality.  I could have moved on more quickly, creating space to meet someone new if only I had not waited to do the work I ultimately did to find self love, date with intention, and create a life I loved.  Fast forward 18 months later, and behold, I had become a dignity-dater looking to make a move forward.  As a result, I landed in a nice relationship with a man who lived outside of Los Angeles where I live.  We dated for three months.  He was an excellent communicator, passionate and we had the same spiritual sense of being.  Nevertheless, he was NOT a match.  While on a trip together, I realized that while I thought this man an incredible person, he would never be the person with whom I could partner.  That said, I had to have the “it’s not a match,” conversation.  I loved him.  He was sweet, and had been there for me when my mother was very sick, dying from cancer.  Nevertheless, we agreed that while love is necessary, it is NOT sufficient.  This, my friends, was a clean break.  I missed him terribly the first week.  After all, suddenly there was nobody to talk to while driving to work, not a soul who cared that I had gone to the grocery store to buy chicken and ended up with chocolate.  There was nobody to say goodnight to before my head hit the pillow.  And there was nobody who would stand beside me at my mother’s funeral.  Bottom line?  Yes, it was hard. It was uncomfortable.  And, quite frankly, it hurt.  But, I knew that if my patience and wounded heart could withstand the test of time, if I took comfort in my friends, hobbies and the incredible life I had created, I would not only survive but thrive.

So…. is there such as think as a clean break? Yes.  And no.  I value the break-up conversations.  I even value break-up sex.  The problem becomes when breaking up is so dramatic, poetic and perfect that it leads to nothing less than shear  fantasy.  It leads to what if’s?  What could have been?  And, if only.  The challenge becomes when breaking up leads to making up, breaking up again, and then once again, a dramatic reunion which results in fantastical sex and connection.  This, my friends, is one hell of an unfulfilling, no-win romantic rut.