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lessdramaqueenlessdramaqueen Contemplations of a Less Drama Queen... |
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She’s six years old and she’s got game. I’m watching with bated breath from across the pool. She’s climbing higher and higher - up she goes calculating each foot placement as if she’s rock climbing Mt. Rainier. The lifeguard watches in amazement - she’s a tiny little thing - weighing all of 42 pounds soaking wet. He asks with a bit of trepidation, “Is she afraid of anything?” I’m shaking my head, “I don’t think so.” She reaches the top, smiles a proud smile and whoosh she lands in the pool. She’s out of the pool lickety split and back in line. She’s doing a happy dance with an invisible hula hoop and singing “Aunt Cindy, did you see me? I did it. I did it! Look at me - I climbed to the top. Woohoo. I’m so great. I did it!” My heart sang for my niece, Cady. I was all smiles. I thought, “Wow! Now that is confidence in it’s purest form.” How could I capture that confidence? There must be a way to protect that in her. Cady’s happy dance was an inspiration. She’s full of life. She knows what she wants and goes forth it undaunted. She’s not afraid of looking silly or patting herself on the back in public. She did a good job and she was happy about it. She didn’t wait around to see what the rest of her world thought about her accomplishment. She just celebrated out in the open for all to see. How beautiful is that? I think we all know when we’ve done a great job. I’d be willing to guess we all know the happy dance...unfortunately somewhere along the road we learned we shouldn’t celebrate out loud in front of everyone. What will people think? We might look conceited or full of our selves. Someone might not agree a celebration is in order. I’m guessing the happy dance we do is not on the dance floor of life - it’s done in the privacy of our heart or within the confines of our walk-in closet...or just maybe we misplaced our confidence or worse yet had it stolen through life experiences and the happy dance is no longer in our repertoire. This saddens me - all “grown up” and afraid to do the happy dance. I dare us to be six again. Wouldn’t it be fabulous to see our “fellow” girlfriends celebrating life and accomplishments out loud with a happy dance for all the world to see? I can envision it. The happy dance becoming happenstance in the market, at the gym, and down the hallway at work. The next time we have an accomplishment, big or small, I dare us to change our “grown up” perspective and have the freedom and the confidence of a six year old to exuberantly do the happy dance and sing out loud, “Did you see me? I did it. I did it! Look at me - I climbed to the top. Woohoo. I’m so great. I did it!” Let’s get the word out - if Cady can do it unabashedly, why can’t we? I hope you dance, Cindy P.S. I missed you all! It was good to be with family and make some fun memories - like the one I just shared. I’m now in the throes of the last semester of my RN program, trying real hard to keep Cady’s perspective.
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 Since we've discussed some weighty topics lately, I thought it was time for some fun. I'm off to visit with family for the next 3 weeks. I'm so excited to have some play time with my nieces and nephews. Woohoo! When was the last time you went skipping with your girlfriends? It might be a bit silly but I'd be willing to bet it will get your endorphins doing backflips. Have you ever taken the time to turn "work" into fun? Please take a moment and watch the video below. It's a simple concept called the fun theory. The video highlights an elaborate project but I believe the idea is something simple we could use in our daily lives. I'm guessing the next time I have a difficult task to accomplish, I could use the fun theory. Would you be willing to sprinkle your daily tasks with some fun? If you need some help with ideas of the "how-to" of making work fun, just ask a 7-year old how they would do it. I know from my vast experience working with children and youth - they are experts on making "work" fun. Here's some questions for you to contemplate: Is fun a priority in your life? How much fun have you had in the last week? Are you due for some fun? How can you incorporate some fun into your work day? I'm off to have some fun ~ See you in a couple of weeks. =) Cindy
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 This summer there’s been a “war” raging within my mind and soul. It’s taken up quite a bit of space on my mental hard drive. I don’t have the time right now to share all of the details (remember brevity is the goal today) but I will in due time. I won some significant battles in this war last week. I want to tell you about the battle of the “D” words vs. the “R” words. At the beginning of last week, the “D” words had taken up camp within my soul. It started with doubt, then found its way to disappointment which led to discouragement, and finally capped itself off with defeat and despair late Monday night. Luckily, the mind trip stopped before destruction came. What led me down those D roads was the noise and clamor of the “enemy” (see footnote) ~ shouting lies at every bump in the road. The clamor was ear-piercing and overpowering. Even though I’ve gotten pretty skilled at recognizing the lies and denouncing them during this battle the lies raged on. With each twist and turn in this maze of D words, the tears welled up. I went to sleep with a heavy heart and a little bit mad at myself for not being able to rise above those silly little lies. I’m here to tell you those silly little lies seemed like huge, scary monsters that wanted to devour all that I had to give. Oh the power of those D words - give them an inch and they take a mile. Well, here’s where the battle was won. Early Tuesday morning, I intentionally sat down and invited stillness. I retreated to my safe place where truth abides. I got cozy and stayed a while. I let the truth sink into my being...and guess what sprang up? A wellspring of refreshing water that poured over me reviving me and bringing rejuvenation. The cool waters are still flowing a week later - ahhh, the revitalization. What I learned from this battle: D words are real and they do have power. D words will take up residence if I let them. I don’t like D words ~ doubt, discouragement, destruction, devour, defeat, disappointment, destroy, and despair. If I don’t fight back, D words will threaten to take control. Girlfriends can help dethrone D words. Being still in your safe place can bring the battle with the D words to an end. Real truth denounces the D words. R words are good for the soul. I love R words ~ retreat, refresh, rejuvenate, revive, refuel, and revitalize. I want R words to reside within me. R words don’t come easily but when we intentionally allow truth to reside within the confines of our mind, body and soul ~ R words will move in, too. R words are worth fighting for. Today’s contemplation is a bit lofty and metaphorical but I hope it resonates. I’ve got some questions for you: Where do you find your truth? Where is your safe place? Do you take to be still? R words Rule, Cindy Footnote = The “enemy” within this context is any thought that is against us and the good we are moving towards.
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Are you out of practice? Do you even know how? It's a tiny two-letter word. When was the last time you said no and meant it? It was probably the first word you used - and used often - after you learned ma-ma and da-da. Do you know any two-year-olds? Having observed many, I have no doubt that "NO" is their favorite word. Why do some of us have such a hard time saying it now? Two-year-olds make it clear as day what they want and what they don't want by using their new found word, "NO". I'm thinking it's because they haven't been introduced to the word "SHOULD" yet - a word that gets some of us in trouble, hmm? I had my first cognizant lesson with the word "No" when I was in college. I won't go into details to protect the "innocent" but someone I loved said, "No" to a simple request I had made of them. A huge fight ensued (in retrospect the biggest spectacle, I mean fight of my life, and yet it was over something seemingly ridiculously simple). Let's just say I was not at my "prettiest" that evening. Oh my! It ended up being a pivotal moment in my life's learning because the next day I visited our women's counseling center on campus and spoke with one of my mentors. I recounted the tale of the previous night's events. She asked me this question, "What did that NO say to you?" My answer was a bit slow in coming but very profound, "It meant he didn't love me." She put it in crystal clear perspective for me. The simple no to my simple request = I was not loved. Wow. That was so NOT true but that's what I had internalized somewhere along the way (I know where). When someone said NO to me, it meant that they didn't love me. If you ask me today, that's a bit messed up. Yes and No help us set our boundaries. They help define what is and what is not me. Yes and No help us let others know what we want and need. They have the power to protect us. They aid us in keeping the good in and the bad out. That is if we know how to use them and we are not in the presence of boundary violators. (I will address boundary violators at a later date). Some of us were gifted with parents and teachers along the way that set and modeled healthy boundaries for us. Some of us weren't so lucky. Some of us learned well, others didn't - due to our unique environments and circumstances. I'm writing today - not to pass out judgment or to say I've become the expert - I am not. I'm on my life-long journey of learning the power of personal boundaries. What I have learned is that boundaries are so important that I wish each of us were required to take a course on healthy boundaries in high school. Boundaries, healthy or not, really are a part of the fabric of our society. I believe strongly that emotions and boundaries are gifts given to us by our Creator to help us navigate life, an internal radar system of sorts. I whole-heartedly have a passion to help women, who want and need the help, learn to say NO to the unwanted and the unneeded in their lives (the not so best stuff) and say YES to the best (what is vitally important to our values, desires and needs). Before diving any further into the content of this contemplation, I must write this disclaimer first. I've done some research, personally learned the hard way, and presented a number of workshops on the subject of healthy boundaries. I wanted to read through my files first, but decided it was best to write from the heart today. Emotional boundaries deal with stuff that is unseen. It's not easy to write about healthy boundaries without wanting to write another hundred different caveats to each interaction. Please be patient with the process of reading this. Please be wise. Boundaries are not black and white. Healthy boundaries look different for each and every one of us and we have different healthy boundaries for each person we know. Suffice it to say, it's a "sticky" subject. It's a subject that goes to the depths of our core and, for a few of us reading this, it might bring up some uncomfortable (if not unsafe) places within us. If this is the case for you, please call or email me and I will confidentially help you find the resources and referrals you need. My hope today is to touch the surface and provide some clarity to the question of Yes and No. I'm going to say something really important right now. It's the gem within this contemplation. Please pay attention. "Yes and No are neither 'good or bad' words." Did you take that in? Sit with that. Take time to ponder it. They are definitive words. They are oh so helpful in letting us communicate with others what are real needs and wants are. If we misuse these words, we send out mixed messages. Have you ever said yes to something you really didn't want to do or didn't have the energy to do? The message you sent was "I'd love to do that for you. I'm ready to do that. I have the time, resources, and energy to do that." Yet, when we say yes to something we have no real business saying yes to - I'm guessing we don't show up with our yes face on (unless we've become skilled at hiding our true feelings). We show up with our NO posture or persona and make others feel a bit confused. It's not really fair, is it? I bet you've been on the receiving side of a yes that was really a no - it's no fun. Sometimes it's actually worse than if they had "JUST SAID NO." I've got bunches o' stories about healthy boundaries and the lack there of - but I'll stop here and get to some action because what's important is to hold up the mirror and look at our own examples - I know you have stories to tell. So, how do we become skilled at knowing when it's BEST to say Yes and when it's BEST to say No. I have some simple tips that have helped me along the way. 1) Before you say Yes to anything - I mean ANYTHING, say "Let me think about it and get back to you." Give the person who made the request the time and date you will get back to them with an answer. I know this might seem a little overboard, but I'm telling you it works. We run into problems when we say Yes to every good thing that is requested of us. Contrary to our gender bias, we can't be wonder woman to everyone. If the person making the request says they need your answer now, say I can't give you a Yes right now. I'll back you up on this. If they persist (because some will), say "No" and call a trusted friend that can help you process through that kind of "bullying". I know I'm using strong words here, but as we learn to take good care of ourselves, we must employ some mama bear tactics. 2) Once you've said I'll get back to you...these are the questions (3-9) you can ask yourself when you have some quiet "me" time (while driving, while in the shower, before you get out of bed in the morning, over a "me" coffee break or by taking a 10 minute walk - a "taking care of me walk" for when the requests pile up). 3) What have I already committed to (Where have I already said Yes)? 4) Do I honestly have the emotional energy, resources and time to say Yes? 5) What will I have to say No to, if I say Yes to this? 6) Does saying Yes or No align with my values, my heart, what's important to me, what I want and/or what I need? 7) Does saying Yes or No move me forward toward my goals? 8) What will be the implications/ramifications of saying Yes or No? 9) What's best for my big picture - saying Yes or saying No? 10) After contemplating these questions and knowing what's best for you - go back to the person who made the request and give them your heart-felt Yes or No. What to do when saying No is hard? 1) Call a trusted friend and ask them to hold you accountable to your answer. 2) Practice saying No with a coach or trusted friend first. 3) Practice saying No in the mirror (let your true feelings come to the surface - What are you feeling? What do you need to heed? What do you need to let go of? 4) Remember you've already gone through the steps and discovered what's best for you and for the person that made the request of you. 5) If saying No is too hard and you can't do it on your own - please don't beat yourself up over it - please email me or call me and we can discuss it. Do you want what's best? Which of these steps will be helpful to you? Let's take our cues from the two-year-olds and season it with the maturity of knowing what's really best for us. Thank you for going here with me today. It's not always easy to make some needed changes, but girlfriend I'm here to tell you it's always worth it. On the journey, Cindy One resource book that has been invaluable to me that’s written with such clarity: Boundaries: When to Say Yes, When to Say No to Take Control of Your Life by Henry Cloud and John Townsend
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 The truth will set us free! The lies that hold us back from becoming who we were made to be. The lies that keep us from doing the great things we were created to do. The lies that bind us to our past - These lies are our captivity! As we approach Independence Day, I've been doing some contemplating on my freedom and yours. We are on our road to freedom. Did you know that our road to liberty has some boulders in the way? You guessed it - those darn lies can be huge blocks that hinder us from moving forward. I'm compiling a list of some of the lies that line the road (if you have any others to add to the list, please email me - This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it ) : "I HAVE TO BE PERFECT." This lie is classic because if you asked us, "Are you perfect?" Our spontaneous reply would be, "No, of course not." But for those of us who are bound by this lie, we get caught up in it's snare all the time. Have you ever come away from an event and focused on the one thing that went wrong instead of celebrating all that went right? "i'm not enough." I know I don't even have to explain this one. "I'M TOO MUCH!!!" This used to be my favorite. It was my motto or so I was told...You talk too much! You love too much! You feel too much! You laugh too loud! Do you see the pattern? I'm so grateful that I became aware of this lie's hold on my life a while back...With intention, practice and the help of trusted, wise counsel I've moved this boulder off my road to freedom. " " What you couldn't read that lie? Want a hint? I used invisible ink. This lie's mode of operation is: "I don't matter". You guessed it. That's right "I'm invisible." is just another one of those lies that holds us captive. If we are going to experience freedom we have some work to do. It's time to start hauling these boulders off the road. The first step is just becoming aware of the lies. Notice when they pop up. Whenever you have a feeling of insecurity, and/or a desire to "hit yourself over the head with a rock" - recognize it. Call it out! Bring the lie out into the open. Let it know there's going to be a day of reckoning - A day when we say so long to our captors and say hello to our freedom. I dare you to get the sparklers out this weekend and declare your freedom! Wherever you are on the journey - celebrate that you are on your Villa della Liberta (this is an actual street name in Santa Margarita, Italia)! Thank you for inviting me into your life. It's an honor to walk alongside of you as we journey down the road of freedom. I'm grateful to you for affording me these freedoms along the way: a freedom to be myself a freedom to make mistakes a freedom to love well a freedom to have fun while "working" a freedom to live out the call on my life a freedom to share in the power of girlfriends Letting Freedom Ring! Cindy
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Do you have a girlfriend that you can trust with all your heart? I hope so. Mine is definitely a treasure!
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Everywhere I go, there you are staring me in the face. Literally, you’ve been the topic lately. They’re all talking about you. Why are you so elusive? No matter how old we are or how educated we’ve become, we still can’t figure you out. We’ve been given the tools and resources to find you, yet we can’t grasp a hold of you. I’ve been trained to teach others about you - I know what’s important and my resume states that I might actually be an expert on wellness (physical, emotional and spiritual). Yet, when it comes to you I’m no different than any woman I know. My girlfriend, Monica, said it this way last night, “It must be a gender thing.” Do you know who I’m talking about? We all know her. We catch glimpses of her. We get her. We know her worth. We all want to be her close friend, yet we don’t know how. Her name is self-care. Girlfriends, we are caregivers by nature and yet the one person in our life that doesn’t get the care she needs is our self. What’s up with that? I’ve got some questions for you: Have you denounced the wonder woman within you? Do you get the sleep you need? Do you have all the downtime you crave? Do you take real vacations? I’m not talking about the ones where you go visit family - I’m talking about the real ones where you sit on the beach and read a good book until you’ve soaked up enough sun so you go lay in the hammock and take a nap. The kind where you don’t have to worry about laundry, meals, or time commitments. Did you answer YES to all of those questions? If you did, I’m willing to bet you are in the minority and you need to clue us into the how of it. If you’re like me and the girlfriends I know - the wonder woman within us is alive and well or at least she’s giving it her best shot. My girlfriend, Amanda, asked me this question recently, “How can we keep the treadmill of life at a steady enough pace to keep us productive but not at the insane “10” incline and “10” pace we have it set?” Good question, Amanda. Way back when, I learned an important life principle when I was waitressing at age 20 - “If you don’t know the answer, tell them you’ll go find out and get back to them.” This principle has served me well over the years. It works. So with that said, “Amanda, I’m on it. I don’t know the answer to that question but I’ll get back to you.” I’ve started with asking my life coach, Lisa. We came up with 4 things I need to keep my pace sane this summer: No rushing - this means don’t over-schedule. Make sure I have needed “down time”. If I got home late last night, make sure I have ample “morning time”. If I’m on the road traveling heaps, make sure to schedule “home time”. So far, it’s working out pretty good. I’m feeling fairly sane. I haven’t been perfect on the over scheduling, but I’m working on it. We just spent the week in Phoenix for family and business, so I’m making sure we stay home this week and next. Although I’m here to tell you my bent is to get back on the road and go to the coast with Brad for his birthday on Monday. It’s a good thing, I’ve enlisted Brad to help me with my self-care - he graciously said, “NO!” I’m working on 2 girlfriend retreats for later this summer (a coastal weekend away complete with massages) that will address how to really take care of ourselves. If this is a topic that hits home with you, please join us. Email This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it for the details. If you can’t make Less Drama’s Summer Escape 2010, you could start by reading Cheryl Richardson’s, “The Art of Extreme Self Care.” I believe Cheryl’s the real expert on this topic. Will you join me in learning the art and practice of self-care? Cheryl says this as an enticement, “The practice of Extreme Self-Care forces us to make choices and decisions that honor and reflect the true nature of our soul. While the notion of this might seem selfish or self-centered, doing so actually allows us to make our greatest contribution to the world...We naturally begin to care for others - our families, our friends and the world - in a healthier and more effective way.” Learning and Practicing, Cindy
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It didn't take us long on this earth to figure out that summer = freedom. We learned the anthem early on and can sing out loud in unison "schools out for summer". Sing with me, "schools out for summer." I see a couple of you adding your air guitars. Admit it =)
I have such fond memories - YMCA day camp, hiking in the white mountains and swimming in the lakes of New Hampshire (yes, I've swam in Golden Pond and hung out with "What about Bob?" on Lake Winnipesaukee), eating buckets and buckets of fresh peaches, gardening with my granddad and my dad wishing his kids would help him with his wally-world sized garden (that makes me giggle - it was ginormous), eating zucchini pancakes, zucchini bread and various other zucchini-laden foods because we had them coming out of our ears, teaching sailing lessons, camping along the Saco river, playing Skee-ball and Centipede at Weir's Beach, shopping for back-to-school clothes at Bon-Tons, eating Friendly's ice cream (a scoop of butter crunch with chocolate jimmies in a cup) and playing Marco Polo.
If you're like me that first year out of school when work didn't break for summer, a mild depression set in. What - no summer? No freedom from getting up early? Does anyone remember the 90's movie, "Reality Bites"? I think that says it all (although I'm feeling a bit old because I can't even remember one scene from it - yikes). Hopefully, you get my point.
Well school's out for summer and my plate seems fuller than ever. But one thing I've learned over the years is to adopt a care-free spirit for summer. It really does help. I cut down on my commitments - "don't you know school's out?". We eat light meals and play outside as the heat permits. We venture to new places and I journal. I've always journaled but never every day. So every couple of summers I choose to keep a summer journal and I write in it every day - don't worry they aren't long entries...I love to capture the moments when freedom arrives. Looking back over those summer journals and remembering what I learned even though school was technically out brings me joy.
Here's an excerpt from my "summer school" lessons last year:
Family is oh-so important to me. I don't like living so far away from family. When you're 93 years old, you've got some really interesting stories to tell and you can tell them any way you LIKE. I love my granddad. I love telling stories. Moms know interesting little details about their daughters (thanks Denise). 5 year olds are brave and undaunted and love making new friends (Cady, thank you for inspiring Aunt Cindy). "Ugly sisters" REALLY do stick together. Just BEING with girlfriends is life-giving. Best laid plans don't always work - but gratefulness always does. When you step on the brake and the hand control steps on the gas - the result is terrifying. Too many diets (money, food, friends) at one time can be draining (thanks Susan). Worrying about receiving God's provision takes away from the blessing of receiving it. Moms REALLY do love their daughters and they spend their whole being trying to prove that. Going to the lake is refreshing on all counts. 75 degrees is perfect. Concentrating on the good stuff and letting go of the bad stuff helps tremendously. Working hard produces results, sometimes you have to be patient and wait for them, though. When standing on new ground, remember your foundations. Resting in the truth is REALLY resting (the converse is true). The unexpected sometimes brings fun, unexpected surprises. Brad's family has become my family. Laughing with Brad really connects us. Cindy loves being at home.
I dare you to join me this summer. Will you adopt your own care-free spirit? Will you let go of your worries, throw on the flip-flops and set aside all that hinders you? Please leave your burdens at the back door of that metaphorical summer beach cottage. There's a basket there - they'll be well taken care of. Step out into the sand. Wiggle your toes. Be transformed. Find some kids and play Marco Polo (don't play with my niece, Victoria - she opens her eyes under water). Make a new play-list filled with songs about summer and take a road-trip with a pal. Turn the TV off, set the fans and the bug lights out on the porch and read a good chic-lit book or flip through the pages of your favorite magazines by lantern light. Invite friends over for homemade popsicles or splurge and go out for ice cream. Take a blanket out on the lawn and stargaze. You're never too old for a good game of hide and seek or sardines. CHOOSE to live free and don't forget to capture those moments - in pics, a journal or your fb status updates.
Choosing to be free, Cindy
Powerful Questions to Ponder: Describe freedom. What's one step you could take towards freedom in the next week? Define play. Wanna come out and play? Can you/Will you choose a care-free spirit this season?
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We all need a little dose of inspiration every once in a while. Here's to filling your plate with a heaping spoonful of it! I know some of you have already seen Nick in action but if you're like me he always warms your heart. Please click on the youtube link and be inspired:
Happy Sunday, Cindy
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This one is a bit long. You might want to pour yourself a cup of tea, a tall glass of lemonade or a glass of wine, first. Then, sit back in your big comfy chair and contemplate. I have quite the gem to share with you today. I sure do hope it translates. It's called the "Hey Everyone" button. I think we'll be able to sell millions once the concept takes hold. If there's anyone out there that has some extra time (lol) and is super creative and/or tech savvy and can help me create a viral youtube for this button - let's chat. Okay, you're intrigued. I hope I didn't build this one up too much already. I have a habit of getting really excited about things but then again you already knew that. I really hope I can capture the moment and convey this message well. Maybe I already need to use my "Hey Everyone" button? Here's the back-story: Yesterday I was traveling to my Less Drama Queens of Bakersfield coaching group. It's a good drive and I was chatting on the phone with a dear friend, one of those friendships where we totally get each other and are able to be completely honest. For those of you inclined, please don't even try and guess which friend it was because I promised her I would change the names and dates and any identifying information, so as to protect her innocence. We were chatting about said "boy at work" and she was sharing her thoughts and process. Right smack dab in the middle, I called her on some of her thinking. It was here that the genius of the "personal announcement" was born. Please note at this point in my contemplation - that this forthcoming story is not really about the boy or whether or not to date him - the story is an illustration on how to use the "Hey Everyone, I have a personal announcement to make" button. My friend has just started a new job and has this "boy at work" who she thinks is fun and engages her in witty banter. She loves that - she was made for it. There IS a connection. A couple of weeks ago, she went to happy hour with the girls from work. She casually brought up his name to see what "the word on the street is." They couldn't get it out fast enough - they had some interesting details to share - suffice it all to say, they think he's weird. All of this was particularly horrifying to my friend. I encouraged her, "That's data to be filed away but you are the one that gets to decide what you think about him." After all, these ladies aren't life long buddies, she just met them. Here's an excerpt from her journal she has so graciously permitted me to share with you: So there I was, with this conundrum sitting like gooey marshmallow melted balls right in my hands. I am emailing with this guy who is asking me to join him for activities and coffee and the like, and I can tell no one about it for fear of what they'll think of me. And worse, that the rumors are true and my red flag goer-offers have been maimed and taped to my head when they should be standing straight up, detecting danger and weirdness in potential love-mates. I went to coffee with him anyway. Twice in one week as a matter of fact - one time, for an hour. We took a long walk and talked about his robot costume out in the sunshine right in the middle of the work day and we saw a black cat that looked like a tiny panther :) We got back and his team (we're all in departments that are segregated by cubicle bull-pens within walls closed in by doors - which enhance the lack of sharing information about who might be weird and who might be not) were sitting outside and all heads were pointed at us as we walked back from my car to the building. And then later, I swear I saw my coworker give him the stink eye and for the rest of the afternoon attributed her less-than-enthusiastic look with the fact that she couldn't believe I was associating with him. I wondered, about her stink eye, "What does THAT mean?" So I have been locked in a paranoia jail cell in which I think everyone is aware of my emailing and hanging out with this boy and they ALL know something I don't know and they ALL disapprove but are just waiting for me to find out on my own because there is a code of silence here where we work. I also suffer from a mild case of "I think the world revolves around me" in which I believe everyone is thinking about me all the time and all of their facial expressions and moods are directly related to me. Also, I have a horrendous and crippling fear that I never - no matter what it is - have the right outfit for the given occasion. And also that my hair will look bad. And all of these things together are why I am single...terminally. So my friend Cindy thought maybe I should make an announcement. There is an intercom system throughout our building to let you know when your clients have arrived. Maybe they'd let me use it just for a minute to clear the air and make sure we're all on the same page. But then we got to thinking it would even be better if I had my OWN intercom at my desk, so that I could use it any time I needed to make an announcement for the greater good. No wait, I could make an announcement to everyone, so they don't have to be in a bad mood just because they think maybe I'm making bad decisions about a boy I'm just trying to get to know but haven't made any commitments to, yet. It might go something like this, 'Hey Everyone: so I know you've been kinda worried about me. You didn't have to say anything; I saw it in your eyes. I'm just trying to get to know him, you know, for myself. Because I kind of have a history of letting other people make decisions for me and so this is important for me to make my own decision. So please don't worry because I'm just trying to figure it out. I am working on it. I really appreciate your concern and just wanted to let you know I can see what you're thinking and will be very careful to make good decisions and come out with a greater sense of self-efficacy. So back to work. No need to spend your whole day thinking about me and being worried that I might end up in a ditch somewhere, you know, metaphorically speaking. I know you're all wondering how someone as great as me could still be single and I really am so grateful for your concern. So that's all for now. I might announce something again later, you know, like if I suspect you might be worried that my pants are getting too tight and think I might be emotionally eating again...' And then, saying this ridiculousness out loud, it really sunk in - NO ONE IS THINKING ABOUT ME. THEY ARE THINKING ABOUT THEMSELVES AND THEIR OWN BRIMMING LIVES. I will have to say this to myself again and again and probably will have to just threaten to make a Personal Announcement when I believe the off-look in everyone's eye is directly related to me to remind myself that in fact, no, they've got their own lives to be having looks and thoughts over, and my day and existence is not at the center of everyone else's consciousness as I - in my poignant and terrified insecurity - believe it to be. I am free to live my life and explore and take risks and get to know boys and do whatever the heck else that's on my heart to do. So THANK YOU, CINDY! For encouraging the Personal Announcement button. I can already tell that intercom at my desk is going to get a lot of use." That's the illustration of how a "Hey Everyone, I have a personal announcement to make" button might be used. Do you get it? Do you have a couple of personal announcements that you could air in an attempt to keep perspective and keep your insecurities at bay? I know I do. For you concrete thinkers, please remember that this button really is metaphorical at this point - something that you get to push metaphorically speaking - and it "shares the message you're thinking" allowing you to move past the insecurity and letting you live your life in the moment. I could have used a button this weekend. I even hesitate to share with all ya'lls but ya'll tell me you love when I share from the heart (i.e. get vulnerable). So, here it goes, my button illustration: This weekend I went to this fun, intimate workout session with some girls I know well and some girls I just met (it was a bachelorette crazy fun thing ~ believe-you-me a story for another day). Some of the girls were 15 years younger than me and none had yet reached their decade of freedom (40's). We were supposed to wear yoga attire. I forgot mine, so I wore my pajama bottoms from the earlier pajama party shower - did I say it was a crazy fun day? I worked really hard at not letting my insecurities consume me. I did a pretty good job at letting them go and enjoying the moment for what it was - a fun, bachelorette moment celebrating my friend. If only my "Hey, I need to make a personal announcement" button had been created it might have made it easier to let go. This would have been my personal announcement: "Hey girls, I have a personal announcement to make. I'm so glad to be here with you celebrating our friend. I know you're wondering why I showed up in these bright colored pajamas - I know they are NOT yoga pants. I also am well aware that I'm carrying these extra few pounds but I'm working on it. I'm trying to get rid of them. I AM 44. When I was your age, I was at my healthy weight, too. I don't look as cute as you all do in your yoga pants - but I'm here to celebrate. I'm here to have fun. I know you'll like me (some of you already love me) and by the time I turn 45, I'll be much closer to that healthy weight for me. I know I'm becoming an RN and you're thinking RNs really should be healthy - I really am committed to being healthy - eating right and exercising - you should see my workout with the 50+ crowd at my gym in my po-dunk town that is not SF (it's a swim class that incorporates yoga, pilates and cardiac - it kicks my butt). I'm doing my best and I hope you can forgive my clumsiness (I used to be a cheerleader way back when). I hope now that I've cleared the air and you don't have to worry any longer about me being an unhealthy nurse who wears silly pajamas to a dance workout (I can follow directions, too) we can get on to the matter at hand. Thank you." Okay, there you have it - illustration # 2. Now, for those of you reading this that were at that event, please do not email me and say "Cindy, we love you...we weren't thinking blah, blah, blah." I know. I know. Ms. Insecurity can raise some doozies. I didn't share this moment to be encouraged by my friends. I wasn't even that consumed by my insecurities - but that unwanted friend did show up and since I'm doing the research and writing on the topic and asking each of us to say goodbye to her - I was ultra-aware of her presence (like I'm not usually - hehehe). I told this story to illustrate once again how ridiculous this thinking is that goes on in our heads. At the workout, I really was wise enough to know that every cute girl in her yoga pants was dealing with her own friend, Ms. Insecurity and was too caught up to be thinking about me and my "friend" that I had told to leave. As a fun accountability, my friend with whom I co-created the button, have decided to text each other every time we need to push the "Hey Everyone, I have personal announcement to make" button. We are hoping this will help us say goodbye to our friend, Ms. Insecurity for good. Please email or text me when you push your "Hey Everyone, I have a personal announcement to make" button. Using my button and keeping perspective, Cindy
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Oh that's right - no need for descriptions here. I'm guessing you are already well acquainted with her. Some of us know her better than others, but shall I be bold enough to say, "She's probably one of our oldest friends." She's not my constant companion any more but I must admit she shows up more often than I'd like. How close is she to you? What does she mean to you? Is she invited into your inner circle or is she only invited to the big events in your life? Let's be honest with each other, "What kind of friend has she been to you all these years?"
I don't need to tell you she's been a bad friend. Some might even tag her "abusive". I went to a women's conference two weeks ago. The "hot" topic was insecurity. Guess how many women attended the "live via satellite" event? 300,000. That's right - that many girlfriends were at least secure enough to gather and discuss their insecurities. Yay for us! It's about time we brought Insecurity's ugly self out into the open. Beth Moore was the conference speaker and is the author of the new book, "So Long Insecurity: You've been a Bad Friend to Us." I'm reading it right now (research, of course :-)). She started off the discussion with this question, "When was the last time you met up with Insecurity?" It was a "she had me at hello" moment. I literally just encountered her. I had just surveyed the auditorium looking over all the women within my view. My friend, Insecurity, needed to see if I was dressed JUST RIGHT. Then, I thought back to the evening before the conference and I had had a moment with Brad where I was questioning my security. Wow. Yikes and I consider myself to be a fairly secure, self-confident woman. If I had had two run-ins with Insecurity (that I was aware of) in less than 12 hours, this insecurity thing must be rampant, especially amongst women.
The next point Beth brought that resonated and the reason why I'm writing today was this, "NOTHING GOOD COMES FROM INSECURITY." I will say it again, "NOTHING GOOD COMES FROM INSECURITY." Think on this. Ponder it. What do you think about that? How often do you meet up with her? Is it time to say goodbye? Is it time to let this friendship go? If you're like me, you are ready. Some of us have already started on the journey to letting go of our insecurities. Letting go of Insecurity won't happen over night. It's a cultural thing. We must tackle it together. Let's meet. Let's discuss. Let's be honest with each other. We will need to be vulnerable. It will take work to truly say goodbye. But let's do it. Let's speak the truth. Let's live in the truth.
Contemplating change, Cindy
P.S. I wrote a post last August about just this thing. If you missed it and are interested, I've included this link to the archived piece, "Got Those Less Than Feelings?" Be assured that this won't be the last time you hear me spout off about this topic.
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How does an Irish poet from the early 1800's know anything about the lives of women in the 21st century? Did he time travel?
Where in your life do you need to take the time to be still? Where do you need to say no to the hustle and bustle of your own "grand central station"?
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It's been a year since one of my dearest friends went home to heaven...Sharon Garland died on April 25, 2009. She was a fierce advocate, a lover of life, an "in your face kinda girl" and the consummate momma bear. So many memories flood my heart today like warm tears shed out of sheer joy. I loved that girl with all my heart. She made me laugh. She let me be me. She taught me the power of sharing our stories. She gave confidence a new face. Bravery was her middle name. A diamond in the rough! She was my friend, confidant, caretaker, and esteemed colleague. She helped me understand the stronghold of addiction. One of these days, I'll give you a proper introduction to the lady whose charisma could have catapulted her into the office of presidency of the United States (if only she hadn't inhaled). For now, I'd love you to hear her story. Please read it with your soul.
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It’s tattered. It has that lived-in-feeling. It’s what my mom calls threadbare and given the opportunity she would throw it out in a New York minute. It’s literally (and figuratively) my comfort zone. It’s like an old dear friend that knows me inside and out. It has known the triumphs and oh-has-it seen the glory of my messiness. My favorite hoodie has been “snot on” by little ones, cried on by mamas, hugged on, cursed at by wounded souls, sweat in and loved. If this hoodie could talk - it would write these contemplations with ease. It’s wise beyond its years in regards to emotional boundaries - both healthy and unhealthy. I know it’s wisdom because I wore this hoodie every Monday night when I was the director at Oak Street House. I got down and dirty on Mondays. It was the night of the week when we were all about living life together - the good, the bad and the ugly. I got down on the floor and played with the kids - oh the memories of laughing, singing, crying for mama, and taking rides on the “silly train”. Monday night was “mandatory”! We all ate dinner together as a family. We took turns cooking. We invited friends. And THEN there was house meeting - oh my! House meeting was where we “duked it out” - I mean figured out this thing we call community and how to live together in something that was supposed to resemble harmony. Envision yourself living together in a beautiful Victorian with nine of your dearest girlfriends and all of your children are under the age of five - can you say difficult, if not impossible? House meeting was our weekly intensive, crash course in boundaries - the DO’s and DON’Ts of healthy boundaries. Oak Street House is where I learned all about the power of emotional boundaries. It’s where I grew healthier. I used to chuckle with my clinical supervisor when I was in the throes of self-discovery. I’d say everyone should have to work with the homeless and those in recovery - it’s like holding up a mirror to see all of the icky stuff that lives within the walls of your own true self. Needless to say, with perseverance, patience and love we all grew healthier, that is, all of us who were willing to put forth the effort. I’m wearing my blue hoodie right now. It’s going to help me write my messiest contemplations to date. You see, I’ve been a bit stuck. The five foundations of this forthcoming book are growth, communication, the power of girlfriends, making life matter and boundaries. Boundaries *sigh*. Really, I tried not to save the hardest for last ~ these last contemplations have become the vegetables on the plate of a 3-year-old. You wouldn’t believe how many times I’ve sat down to “contemplate” the matter of boundaries since starting to write this book a year and a half ago. Once stuck, I put off the writing until later. The “later” train has now pulled into the station. You’d think it would be easy for me. I’ve learned so much and I’ve facilitated a number of workshops and retreats on the subject. Yet, it’s not easy to put the un-pretty stuff of life down on paper - especially when it’s not a black and white subject matter. I’ve had a number of brainstorming sessions with Brad and Lisa, my coach, to help me get unstuck in this part of the writing. Brad and I came up with the list of boundary titles to contemplate. Last week, Lisa suggested starting off with a confession of why it’s so difficult to write about this subject. This week’s brainstorm was my blue hoodie. I’m finally writing. Yay! Interestingly enough, I wonder if there’s a parallel process going on here? I wonder if that’s what we all do when it comes time to put forth the effort to grow in an especially difficult place within ourselves? Did someone say healthy boundaries? Do we get stuck? Do we keep putting off the process until later? Until later arrives and it’s NOW necessary. Hmmm...I wonder? Words and phrases that come to mind when I think about boundaries ~ necessary, complicated, nuances, freedom, seemingly moving targets, protection, energy-draining, hard work, self awareness, discovery, growth, and my favorite - MESSY. Just look at what dictionary.com has to say about the word MESSY: Part of Speech: adjective Definition: cluttered, dirty Synonyms: blotchy, careless, chaotic, confused, dishelved, disordered, disorganized, grimy, grubby, littered, muddled, rumpled, raunchy, slapdash, slipshod, sloppy, slovenly, unfastidious, unkempt, untidy Antonyms: clean, ordered, organized, uncluttered I confess I’m not the expert on boundaries but I’ve learned a whole bunch in my study and practice of healthy boundaries. I’ve seen firsthand the power of boundaries defined. I've learned that healthy boundaries are a journey not a destination. I know they can help us live a life filled with Less Drama. Boundaries protect us. They help us know where we begin and where we end. They help us keep the good in and let the bad out. They help us know what is our responsibility and what isn’t. They help us live in community together. Boundaries help us keep in relationship with the safe people and say goodbye to the toxic people in our lives. Boundaries help us know when to say yes and when to say no. So, over the next couple of weeks I will be sharing some of my contemplations and insights. Note to self, you have now just “told the world” - there’s the accountability you’ve been needing. If these contemplations in the coming weeks spark in you an interest to grow in the area of healthy boundaries, I encourage you to read the various boundaries books by Henry Cloud and John Townsend, you can find them on amazon.com. They are my boundary gurus. I think their books should be in the “dummies” section of the bookstore instead of the self-help section, i.e. “Boundaries for Dummies”. They make the content easy to digest and they get to the heart of the matter. They know boundaries. So, there you have it ~ a picture of my favorite hoodie with it’s back story, a confession on why it’s so difficult to write about boundaries and a commitment to write some on this very messy subject. I hope you are ready to embark on this last leg of the journey with me. My friend, Cindy Mitchell, said earlier today - hurry up with the veggies, so we can get on with dessert. Still Writing, Cindy
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I love when my worlds converge with a message. Be present. Don't rush. Be still.
Yesterday, I had lunch with a new girlfriend and she asked "How could she pray for me?" Translation = What do I really need? I need some help returning to my New Year's Intention of REALLY being present to the moment.
A colleague asked this question, "What's on your well-being check list?" At first I didn't like the idea of having yet another checklist in my life, especially when we are talking about my well-being. After pondering the question, I realized that my well-being definitely includes not rushing from here to there. I put it on the list - Don't rush.
While I lived in San Francisco, I had the incredible opportunity to "sit under" the teaching of a trusted friend, colleague and wise sage - Debby Bellingham. I went on a number of personal retreats with Debby that took us away from the craziness of every day. The number one priority of each of these getaways was to be still. I've been missing those times, literally and figuratively. Well, guess what? I just got invited to one the weekend of April 9-11th. I replied with a resounding yes. Pick me! I need some "still-ness" from my one-woman-juggling act of "RN student, Queen of Less Drama, life coaching, booking writing, domestic un-goddess and wife."
And then, this morning I read this quote on another coaching colleague's facebook status (Thank you Heidi). "If we take the time to be quiet, be still, and be present, we may start to see things we haven't seen before - things that have been right in front of our eyes. And those are the things that change the world." ~ Dan Pallotta
I went and read Dan's post on the Harvard Business Review blog. Powerful stuff. Please click on the link below and read the post.
http://blogs.hbr.org/pallotta/2010/03/no-now-no-new.html
I dare you to take a moment and ask "What's in it (the post) for you?"
Dan encourages us to take the time to see things as they are - then set out to make changes. Dan Pallotta is a leading expert on innovation in the nonprofit sector and a pioneering social entrepreneur. He knows the power of asking "WHY?"
Why do we do what we do? Are we making life matter? What would happen if you took some time to be still? Is the investment of being present to NOW worth it? How would slowing down serve me and the ones I love?
Taking some time out to just be still, Cindy P.S. I should take the wheels off my suitcase and slow down. (You have to have read Dan's post to get my try at humor.)
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I love synergy. I love chatting with one of my best girlfriends. We connect. We process. We get IT. When we talked yesterday, she told me about an upcoming job interview. She shared with me her enthusiasm mixed in with some fears of inadequacy. Her fears seemed to be winning the race. I encouraged her to carve out some time and go to her favorite safe place. Once she’s there, I told her to “Ponder your strengths. Contemplate your essence. Create hope. Think on these questions – Why this job? Why you? Capture stories. Envision. Dream. Do all this in preparation for the interview.” She got the idea and ran with it. Her enthusiasm shot out in front. The energy in her voice lifted. Seemingly out of nowhere – I imagined a big, happy, hot pink, gerbera daisy, balloon. Can you see it? She could. We giggled. Can you imagine her ambling into her interview, big happy balloon in hand? She ties it to a chair (not saying a word) and sits down with confidence. She’s ready. She’s got game. She interview becomes a walk in the park. BTW - she was made for this job! Where in your life do you need a big, happy balloon of confidence? Taking a walk of confidence, Cindy
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Last Thursday I learned two valuable life lessons: One about business and the other about simple moments that bring truth.
I had just sat through a 5-hour lecture with what became my worst migraine ever - not fun to say the least! I was walking from class to my big ol' country girl truck when I was stopped in my tracks.
This gentle man with cerebral palsy in a motorized wheelchair rolled by me and then unexpectedly turned backed towards me. I'm not sure how he elicited my attention but he signaled me over to him. I think I was wondering if he needed my help. He spoke in the most tender and kind 1-inch voice I have ever heard, "What's your name?" I can still "feel" the gentleness of his voice. Pause. Deep Sigh. I said, "Cindy, what's yours?" His name was Milo. It's what he said next that has stayed with me. He said in a whisper that was seemingly meant for my soul (so soft and slow that I had to lean in real close to hear), "You caught my eye. You are beau-ti-ful. You. Make. My. Heart. Go. Pit-ter-pat." No pretense. No cat call. No hubris. It was simply pure and genuine from the heart. I must add here that this does not happen to me every day. I know that my family and friends find me pretty (most days) but complete strangers do not usually stop me with such utterances.
Whoa. This sent me reeling. As I walked away, I was awestruck. It was as if I had been turned upside down and inside out. As my thoughts jumped quickly through my processor, I turned back to catch a glance at Milo but he was gone from sight. Hmmm...
I called Brad to share my little moment with him but he was not available, so I called Alisha. Have I mentioned before that I'm a verbal processor? I shared. We processed. I was struck by his courage and the innocence of his intrusion into my life. As an aside, for my single girlfriends, I wondered why most guys don't share such things with us, unabashedly. As I recounted the moment, waves of emotions took over. It totally caught me off guard. We are talking waterfalls. It seemed so silly and yet so profound that my tears flowed so freely. As we talked about my encounter, Alisha named the moment, "Sacred". This message of truth spoke deeply to me. Somehow it wasn't important to know why it had "hit me so" but I knew that it was my job to JUST receive it. I'm still receiving it. In the quiet moments, I reflect. I contemplate. I wonder.
What I learned this week about simple moments of truth:
So I'm not sure how this story will sit with you. It's not easy to capture the essence of a moment like this. I hope it speaks to you. I'm trusting there's something in it for you, too. Live in the truth that beauty abounds within each one of us.
Receiving, Cindy
P.S. I'll share my business life lesson some other time.
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Most of us girls (living in America) have grown up in an age of believing that we could do anything and be anything we wanted to be! We were given the power to believe. We were given “eyes” to see. I think it’s safe to say that my sissy bum and I owe my mom a big, ginormous thanks for instilling that confidence within us. Thanks mom for giving us a vision and a hope for our future. I so strongly believe in the power of girlfriends. I believe that we can see in each other the great things that are destined to be. I believe that we hold the keys to unlocking opportunities for each other. Some girls around the world haven’t been given the keys or worse yet, they’ve had them stolen by circumstances out of their control. We who have been given much must help them unlock the doors to their opportunity. “We are limited not by our abilities, but by our vision.” Author unknown I’ve got two videos that I want to share with you today. I believe that awareness is the first step to making significant changes. I believe that we hold the keys to unlocking great things for our girlfriends around the world. I believe that we must first have the eyes to see. PLEASE take the time to watch these videos. They are powerful! The first one asks this question of you. The world is a mess. AGREE or DISAGREE? The second one dares you: I dare you to join me in celebrating International Women’s Day (March 8th). It’s a global day celebrating the economic, political and social achievements of women past, present and future. Girls rule and boys drool, Cindy If this moves you, please be sure to visit Girl Effect on facebook. It’s got great tools for creating awareness and making a difference. After all, it only takes a girl.
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Do you remember Stuart Smalley from Saturday Night Live? Stuart was over the top with his self affirmations. “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough and doggone it, people like me.” The point he made in those silly SNL skits, albeit a tad bit exaggerated, was that what we think about ourselves really does impact what we do and who we are becoming. This past week, I spent one of my clinical days in Endoscopy. I hope you never find yourself in that part of a hospital, but let me tell you a bit about my experience. It’s all very rushed. Patients come into a room filled with beds, get hooked up to vital sign monitors, get an IV started, answer some questions, sign a consent for the procedure, and with the help of a competent, caring nurse have their fears relieved (all within the span of 10 minutes). Then, fast as lightning, they are wheeled in for their procedure. Okay, I’ll stop there. I know you don’t really want to hear about what goes on behind the closed doors. Big sigh. That’s all of you reading this, sounding relieved that I didn’t go there. I get to learn in this rushed environment. As I’m learning and practicing my newly acquired skills I begin hearing these voices. “You should have noticed that.” “How come you didn’t do that?” “That’s important - why didn’t you remember that?” “Are you sure you know what you’re doing?” I haven’t heard these voices in years. I guess they’ve made an encore appearance since I’ve stepped out of my comfort zone and into an entirely new world for me. I realized in that first hour of Endoscopy that I was getting increasingly flustered. Oh my. My confidence factor was dwindling. Then, because I’ve had experience with these mean, no-good-for-nothing voices, I stopped them in their tracks. I had a little Stuart Smalley moment. YES, right there in Endoscopy, I had a literal conversation with myself (thankfully not out loud). I told those useless, not needed here, little voices to take a hike. I played the new tape. “You ARE learning. It takes time to acquire these skills. That’s why you’re here. Be patient. Take your time. You’re getting it. You’re going to be a great nurse, Cindy.” Transformation - what a difference that made. Deep breaths and I was back feeling confident, going slow and building great rapport with my patients. I even landed some encouraging feedback from one of the nurses. Thank you for letting me write from the heart and share bits and pieces of my own journey. You’ve told me it resonates. For this, I’m grateful. Thank you for sharing your life with me, too. It warms my heart. Now that you’ve heard my “playlist” for the week - what’s on yours? Below you’ll find a contemplation from the archives. I think it’s worth sharing with you again in light of my Stuart Smalley moment. The truth will set you free, Cindy From the archives: What’s on Your Playlist? What are you listening to these days? Do you have a favorite playlist on your iPod? I do. I'm listening to it right now as I write. Are you like me - do you like to listen to it over and over again or do you mix it up? What music is on your playlists? I've got playlists for my many moods and special events in my life. I love putting a playlist together for a family member or friend (when it's time to celebrate them, when they are in need of comforting words, or simply because we are having them over for dinner). There are memories in my playlists. Trisha Yearwood and Jack Johnson must rate - they've got their own playlists. Who knew you could tell so much about a person by what they listen to? I'm writing about playlists today because I've been thinking about the voices we listen to in our heads. What gets your "airtime"? What messages/thoughts are we sending ourselves? What messages do you cling to with all of our heart? What do you think about (or "listen" to) when you are doing the mundane (like taking a shower in the morning)? Does truth get airtime or are you shuffling through the lies? As a coach and someone who is learning to walk down the road of freedom, I know how important it is to pay attention to what messages are playing in our head. These messages are propelling us forward, keeping us stationery or even worse moving us backwards. How do we make sure we are listening to truth and silencing the lies? Step 1 - Take inventory of what's on your playlists. Is it truth? Are they lies (they may be subtle)? Pay close attention. What voices do you hear? What are they saying? Identify the negative messages. Search for the truth. Ask yourself who's influencing my playlists? Can the messages be trusted? Step 2 - Download new music. Find your truth. If it's not on your playlists now - decide what is true and healthy and what will motivate you towards the positive. Put it on the list. What voices do you still need to hear from? Which voice on your playlist is the most important? Know what your good and true voice (yes, you do have one) is saying - listen closely for it. If you need to ask a trusted friend for some "fresh" music, do it. Once you have found your truth - it's on to step 3. Step 3 – What’s your truth? Play it over and over again! Give it the airtime it needs. Make sure to learn these lyrics. Write it down on a post it or 3x5 index card. Make a collage or vision board that highlights this truth. Plaster it everywhere - the bathroom mirror, your bedside table, your dashboard, your desktop. Make it known. Is it a quote? A poem? A song? Is it your truth - will it help you thrive? Ask a trusted friend or coach to help reinforce it. Keep giving it airtime. Send yourself an email/text message with that truth for your life daily. There are many ways to reinforce the good and truthful message. Make sure your playlist is loaded with truth. Step 4 - Delete the old files. Don't give the lies airtime. Silence them. Don't reinforce them by listening to them. Stop them in their tracks. When you hear them (and you will from time to time) - tell them to go play elsewhere. Tell them to get lost. Tell them they are useless to you. Tell them you've found your truth and you don't need them anymore. When they persist - call that trusted friend - ask for "truth" reinforcements. Step 5 - Enjoy that peaceful, easy feeling. Relish in the truth. Live by it. Be free. Please note: Every once in a while a "virus" attacks or the old files mysteriously appear - if this happens - go back to step 1 and repeat. Powerful Questions to Ponder: What gets your airtime? What messages are you sending yourself? What lie are you listening to? What truth do you want to live by?
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 Phew. Last week came to a welcomed end. At 3pm on Friday, I laid down for a nap. 7.5 hours later, clinching the title of world champion napper, I woke up. Oh my! My mind knew I had had a stressful week, I guess my body did, too. On my way to an email marketing seminar and a day of clinicals at the hospital on Wednesday, I had a little “moment” talking to my sister. I realized just how much worry I had borrowed: Tuesday morning. Truck stuck in mud on way to clinicals. Call AAA and 2 hours late. Borrow a little worry – check. Tuesday evening. Husband. News of another torn rotator cuff, argh – the same shoulder that had surgery 16 months ago. Another surgery? Job uncertainty? Borrow lots of worry and some sadness – check. 94 year-old Granddad, 90% heart blockage, headed to Europe for his 3rd cruise in 2 years. Go Granddad, go heart. Granddaddy, please be safe. Borrow adequate amount of worry with a little hope – check. Sister. Husband deployed to Iraq for a year. Borrow decent amount of worry – check. Nursing Care Plan to write and implement – 20-hour project. Must get enough data in short time allotted while caring for patients. Borrow just the right amount of worry – check. First test of the semester. Those who have gone before us encourage us to set our expectations at failure. Studied beaucoup hours, 40 pages of handwritten notes. Borrow way more worry than my fair share – check. Weight of all the worry. Not enough downtime. Rush, rush, rush all week. Still rushing. Can’t afford tears at the moment. Must hold it together. I’ll take a minor meltdown for $400, Alex. Cry a little, pray a little, love a little upon my sissy, who’s going through enough stress of her own. Check. I get to the seminar about 45 minutes early. I am hoping to study. Too tired. Too drained. Must muster up my networking savvy. I ask myself, “What’s the best use of this time?” “Studying? No.” In the hotel lobby, when I see those little packets of calm, I know instantly. A cup of tea, a moment of silence and, “Voila!” – peace came. The cup of tea was this lovely blend of mint and tarragon leaves. It’s name was rejuvenation. It was made just for me and my borrowed worry moment. I sat down in a big comfy chair. The cup of tea warming my hands. The steam invading my soul. Ahhh…. It only takes 5 minutes and the benefits are numerous. Sipping tea slows you down. The tea itself can have calming effects. There are even health benefits – the research proves it. So, I dare you. The next time you are borrowing more than your fair share of worry, grab your favorite mug and sit down to a cup of tea.
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October Walk for Life
